long nite.

last night, as i was driving home i was thinking that i should write an entry. i looked up at the straw colored moon, with a glow around it, and i knew it would be a beautiful drive back to san luis obispo. the sky was fading into a deep sea blue/black and though it was late (9:00) i was fine knowing i would be up until 12 driving. so, i hit greenfield and the moon had become smaller, and less yellow. it was now a crisp white and the backdrop was dark jean blue. the smell of smoke drifted into the air conditioning vents, and it brought back memories of campfires, barbeques and bonfires. even after seeing the side of the hill slowly dying with the embers from the fire, i wasnt scared. my mom called me to see if i made it safely (which was odd because she never calls me). i was fine, i told her, just heading home, just passed king city, i ll call when i get in. then.

an accident up ahead. glowing red flares were set up and it looked pretty bad. there were four or five firetrucks, three police cars. and one white mustang facing the oncoming traffic on the side of the road. i didnt want to look, but i did. and in that brief moment, everything changed. i looked ahead of me again only to realize that the car that was so very far ahead of me before had become only feet ahead of me. i slammed on the brakes, and all of the calming images were hurdled out the front window along with my scream. the brown car went one way, my car went the other. i looked down and thought in a hysterical phase, "my check engine light is on." the next thoughts were "dad, mom, call dad mom, accident, call mom, dad, accident. accident. injuries, car, injuries. other driver. call accident mom. mom dad." the krispy kreme donuts i had bought only hours before were scattered on the floor of my passenger side. it was cold, dark, and the entire front of my car was smashed to the wheel well. i got out, looked at the other car, and was on my phone, stuttering, shaking and mumbling to my dad. i was fine, the other driver had whiplash. i think i had so much adrenaline pumping and so many worries about where everything was going, what everything was doing, that if my neck had snapped off, i wouldnt have felt it. i couldnt leave. the other driver went to the hospital. i stayed. it all happened at 11:45, but it was a daze. calling tomas for a ride, talking to policemen, firemen, etc. my baby, my first real thing i owned that i could stand on. lay on. crumpled up like a piece of paper. i kept touching it. hoping that if i just pet the hood, it would take back all that happened.

well, that leads me to now. i dont know. i m sure it will turn out.

i just wish i had been able to just write about the moon, dangling down from the sky, playfully racing with me to get home.

before - after

the i to my computer is crapping out. - 11.16.2004

do i really want to go home- wait, am i already there? - 10.18.2004

camp songs in the background for this. - 09.07.2004

can we braid eachothers hair tonite!?! - 06.08.2004

its been two minutes since i found out... - 06.01.2004